Friday, January 10, 2014

Should I be Brave


So the other day on Facebook a friend of mine posted the below quote:

"I, your name, hereby promise and affirm to make a small work of art (or similar creation) for the first ten people who comment on this post and say "YES, I want in". A 'like' alone is not enough of a commitment, nor is a comment about thinking Pay It Forward is a great idea.


You must in turn post this as your status update and make something for the first ten who comment on your status.


* The rules are simple: it has to be your work, made by you, and the recipient must receive it before 2014 ends...(therefore you may have to share your mailing address, in a PM)"


As I contemplated replying to this and becoming someone who would follow this, I kept thinking to myself, wow this friend of mine is very brave.  First of all, she just decided a week previous to this post to learn how to paint.  She is going to learn by looking at youtube videos.  And she wants to have 10 people get some of her new art work.  So brave, so very brave...let me tell you why.  I went to school for art.  i didn't know i loved art so much until I was a junior in high school.  The school that I went to didn't offer college help for juniors in my situation.  And it didn't get any better my senior year of high school either.  So here's what the last 2 years of high school were for me.



I didn't have real friends, if any friends at all.  My parents didn't think friends were anything worth pursuing, so I was the good child and followed their advice.  I never went to parties, never went to a dance in a nice fancy dress, never got bad grades, and worked as much as I could.  During my lunch periods I never brought real food.  I brought 1 package of 6 cracker sandwiches.  That's what I ate for lunch.  I would forge my teacher's signatures, dates, and well whatever I needed to so I could sit in the library during lunch.  My lunch periods consisted of me searching for every grant and scholarship that I could find, and apply for them.  This went on for both my junior and senior year of high school.  I spent hours and hours, days and days, weeks of planning for these scholarships and grants.  I had my parents fill out their parts and I did everything else.  I looked into different schools, until the day came when I needed to take the SAT.  


Now when I signed up for the SAT I didn't know what it was, why we had to pay to get tested, all I knew if that if I passed this test I could go to college.  But what I didn't realize that everyone else who was taking this test knew how to answer the questions, knew what they were doing, and passed it with really good scores.  So after getting my first score I thought I can try again and do better.  But instead I did worse.  How can this be for someone who was an A-AB student who spent more time on homework and school projects than most of the kids in my classes?  Well, it happened and it wasn't fun.



So I gave up my dreams.  And decided to just go to the local community college and see what I can learn.  Hopefully I could transfer to a different school and get a second chance at my dreams.  Well I stuck with art, and loves my classes.  I learned art history, architecture, and all kinds of sculpture and acrylic painting.  It was fun, but I had to use student loans to go to the community college.  To help pay for my supplies and such my schedule was really crazy.  I was working from 5am-7:30am, then I would drive an hour to go to school, school would end between 4pm-10pm depending on the day.  Then it was another hour drive not to home, but back to work until 11pm.  Then it was time for homework until sometimes 1 or 2am and back to school.  This was my life for 2 years.  Only during the summer time (when I was still in school but not as many classes) did I get to have any semblance of a life with friends.



I still wanted to find a good school, and go and accomplish my dream career, but once again I was unable to fulfill this desire because I needed to be the good child and listen to my parents, because I didn't have the money to transfer to the school I wanted to, because I wasn't brave enough to follow my dreams, because I decided to keep the friends I had made and go room with them.  So once I got my associates degree I transferred to the local university.  I tried to go into the Art program, but wasn't successful. 


Even though I have tried and tried to follow my dreams, it seems like no one was around to support me.  No one really thought it was a worthy career choice, or rather a good choice of education.  So over the years I've become ashamed of my education, ashamed of my dreams and goals.  I would go with the flow and do what others wanted me to do to a degree.  I wasn't brave.  I've even lied about what my real degree is making it sound much coo and to justify the $15,000 I spent on my education.  Why should I be brave?  I mean if someone can pick up some supplies from a store and just start messing around and be an artist why did I waste those years and all that money on a degree that is so lame? 


But then I after all these years I saw my friend's post on facebook and decided to follow her lead and not be scared about what I can do, even if I'm the only one who likes what I do, at least I can enjoy something for myself.  Its time for me to be brave.  To stand up for what I love to do.  Its time for bravery, and truth.

Last year I decided to just for me keep a list of the things that I do for fun that are artsy and fun.  So now I'm going to be brave and share them with you as well.  Man this is one of the hardest things I've ever done.


Therapy from an Artist is what I call what I do.  Its my therapy.  This is me being brave!



56 comments:

  1. I was a loner growing up and to this day I only have a handful of REAL friends. Sure, I have people I hang out with, but I don't open myself up to too many people.

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    1. For some people it really is hard to open up to others. But having real friends is great!

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  2. I, too, tend to keep to myself. I am slowly realizing my dreams and hope to get there!

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    1. Becky, I'm glad you are starting to realize your dreams. You can do it!

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  3. I think we all have our lonely times no matter what our personality can be w/ people. I had a very low self esteem and find myself every so often doing the same and man it is hard to push that away and here I am in my mid 40's. Perfect song!!!!

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    1. Its a great song, even though she wrote it on behalf of cancer patients, it really does apply to everyone.

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  4. Good for you for standing up. And lucky people who decide to get a piece of your artwork.

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  5. I consider myself to be a friendly person, but I am cautious about who I really "let in." There are only a few people who really know me inside and out. And... I like it that way! :)

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    1. Jessica, I think many if not most people are like that.

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  6. For the longest time, I never spoke what I was thinking. Then I heard that same song by Sara and it hit me. I can't be heard if I don't speak. I started being brave and go after things, saying things, doing things. Be brave!

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  7. I need this post. I am not Brave. I need to start stepping out of my comfort zone and reach for my goals!

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  8. Never give up on your dreams.. Always take the chance to live them out!

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  9. I had my share of failures during my younger years. I have dreamed and tried to achieve them only to end up with a hand full of dirt. I didn't give up though. I went on and then succeeded finally. The failures I had encountered before became my motivation to not give up and a reminder that whatever misfortune I encounter along the can't stop cause I had it worse before and I survived.:)

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  10. Remember, courage inspires courage. Put yourself out there!

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  11. All of of my friends are online ones, I don't have really any in real life. Unless you count my ex. So I guess I do have one friend? I was going to school for art too, but dropped out because it just seemed like a waste like people were telling me it was. I've since stopped really doing anything creative, which hasn't exactly made me happy. I miss doing things that are beautiful and fun like that. So I need to find the energy and motivation to really get there.

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    1. Kisa You can, here is your motivation. I meet so many of my friends who paint, make jewelry etc, much better than me, but I'm not going to give up anymore.

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  12. Failure is one of my favorite things.

    It sounds weird to say but it's totally true. It forces you to get more focused and to get better. What else could one want?

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    1. huh, never thought about it that way, but it does make sense.

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  13. I am not a loner, but I have been hurt one-to-many times so I am very picky about who I open up to & who I let in. I met my best friend almost 10 years ago & she got me out of my shell & I started getting braver. I am still very picky about people, but I sure go for it in everything else:)

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  14. Yes, we should be brave and go for it. Sometimes you fail and it's OK. If you never fail it's because you never tried out something new.

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  15. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  16. I glad that you took that stand we all have to bring the brave out, if not we will never make that change.
    (The comment above change my name) dont know what happen
    GossipMoms

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  17. You should never be ashamed of your goals or dreams. They are yours and are unique. So what if people don't like or share them? Too bad. Maybe they don't have any. Do what makes you happy!

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  18. I went to college to earn a degree in business management. I homeschool three kids, maintain three websites, and do the all of backend work on an automotive based corporation (taxes, licensing, legal, etc). I can't change your mind, but I know that when I changed mine about myself it was a lot easier to move forward and acknowledge my successes when they did come.

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  19. Being alone does not represent loneliness, on the contrary being alone can be very healthy. We all need to be alone from time to time. Some activities such thinking, reading and writing are often best done in lonely surrounding.. Love your blog!!!

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  20. In high school I was a social butterfly. Well, I was in college too. It wasn't until the last few years that I became more of a loner.

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  21. I had friends on highschool til I went to college! LOL not sure why it's probably because I didn't feel like it or because of the different scheduling but that's okay. Don't give up on your dreams, you'll get there, just have more patience :-)

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  22. Never give up on your dreams never be afraid of what you can achieve!

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  23. You say your friend is brave? I think you are brave for putting all this out there. You sound very driven, and amazing in your own way, making your own path and choosing your won journey through life. That is brave. Revisiting your goals and dreams? That is brave. Putting yourself out there? yep. brave. Good luck in the next stage of your journey!

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  24. Your art is fantastic, and you have absolutely no reason to be nervous or fearful about sharing. Beautiful, beautiful!

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  25. Real friends are real assets in real life. Unfortunately in this age of internet we all are going for more of virtual friends and no surprise more parents think like your parents and bring loneliness among their kids.

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    1. hum...I guess that makes sense. But that was way before the internet.

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  26. I tend to keep to myself. I am trying to break out of my box, but it can be hard

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    1. Debi, you can do it, we're supporting you.

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  27. Go for it! Show what you've got! You should not be ashamed of what you've learned. You took the courage to go to school and learn!

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    1. Thanks Lisa, this was a hard post to write.

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  28. I think all of us are loners at one point or another. I was in my teenage years but I think it's rising up past that which makes us stronger and braver. This is such a wonderful post!

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  29. Great post! I really like the idea that your friend did and I may try something similar.. I tend to be introverted, except when it comes to my blog (probably because there is no face to face contact) but I am slowly coming out of my shell :)

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  30. Stand up, be seen and speak up. If you don't no body will. I'm a creative person from a non-creative family. I've sent a life time making a place for myself in this world. I'm doing it!

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