So the other day on Facebook a friend of mine posted the below quote:
"I, your name, hereby promise and affirm to make a small work of art (or similar creation) for the first ten people who comment on this post and say "YES, I want in". A 'like' alone is not enough of a commitment, nor is a comment about thinking Pay It Forward is a great idea.
You must in turn post this as your status update and make something for the first ten who comment on your status.
* The rules are simple: it has to be your work, made by you, and the recipient must receive it before 2014 ends...(therefore you may have to share your mailing address, in a PM)"
As I contemplated replying to this and becoming someone who would follow this, I kept thinking to myself, wow this friend of mine is very brave. First of all, she just decided a week previous to this post to learn how to paint. She is going to learn by looking at youtube videos. And she wants to have 10 people get some of her new art work. So brave, so very brave...let me tell you why. I went to school for art. i didn't know i loved art so much until I was a junior in high school. The school that I went to didn't offer college help for juniors in my situation. And it didn't get any better my senior year of high school either. So here's what the last 2 years of high school were for me.
I didn't have real friends, if any friends at all. My parents didn't think friends were anything worth pursuing, so I was the good child and followed their advice. I never went to parties, never went to a dance in a nice fancy dress, never got bad grades, and worked as much as I could. During my lunch periods I never brought real food. I brought 1 package of 6 cracker sandwiches. That's what I ate for lunch. I would forge my teacher's signatures, dates, and well whatever I needed to so I could sit in the library during lunch. My lunch periods consisted of me searching for every grant and scholarship that I could find, and apply for them. This went on for both my junior and senior year of high school. I spent hours and hours, days and days, weeks of planning for these scholarships and grants. I had my parents fill out their parts and I did everything else. I looked into different schools, until the day came when I needed to take the SAT.
Now when I signed up for the SAT I didn't know what it was, why we had to pay to get tested, all I knew if that if I passed this test I could go to college. But what I didn't realize that everyone else who was taking this test knew how to answer the questions, knew what they were doing, and passed it with really good scores. So after getting my first score I thought I can try again and do better. But instead I did worse. How can this be for someone who was an A-AB student who spent more time on homework and school projects than most of the kids in my classes? Well, it happened and it wasn't fun.
So I gave up my dreams. And decided to just go to the local community college and see what I can learn. Hopefully I could transfer to a different school and get a second chance at my dreams. Well I stuck with art, and loves my classes. I learned art history, architecture, and all kinds of sculpture and acrylic painting. It was fun, but I had to use student loans to go to the community college. To help pay for my supplies and such my schedule was really crazy. I was working from 5am-7:30am, then I would drive an hour to go to school, school would end between 4pm-10pm depending on the day. Then it was another hour drive not to home, but back to work until 11pm. Then it was time for homework until sometimes 1 or 2am and back to school. This was my life for 2 years. Only during the summer time (when I was still in school but not as many classes) did I get to have any semblance of a life with friends.
I still wanted to find a good school, and go and accomplish my dream career, but once again I was unable to fulfill this desire because I needed to be the good child and listen to my parents, because I didn't have the money to transfer to the school I wanted to, because I wasn't brave enough to follow my dreams, because I decided to keep the friends I had made and go room with them. So once I got my associates degree I transferred to the local university. I tried to go into the Art program, but wasn't successful.
Even though I have tried and tried to follow my dreams, it seems like no one was around to support me. No one really thought it was a worthy career choice, or rather a good choice of education. So over the years I've become ashamed of my education, ashamed of my dreams and goals. I would go with the flow and do what others wanted me to do to a degree. I wasn't brave. I've even lied about what my real degree is making it sound much coo and to justify the $15,000 I spent on my education. Why should I be brave? I mean if someone can pick up some supplies from a store and just start messing around and be an artist why did I waste those years and all that money on a degree that is so lame?
But then I after all these years I saw my friend's post on facebook and decided to follow her lead and not be scared about what I can do, even if I'm the only one who likes what I do, at least I can enjoy something for myself. Its time for me to be brave. To stand up for what I love to do. Its time for bravery, and truth.
Last year I decided to just for me keep a list of the things that I do for fun that are artsy and fun. So now I'm going to be brave and share them with you as well. Man this is one of the hardest things I've ever done.
Therapy from an Artist is what I call what I do. Its my therapy. This is me being brave!
